Corporate Bullshit Generator

Instructions:



1. Click the Generate bullshit button



2. Watch bullshit appear in the box. (you can copy at will and share with corporate friends)

3. Repeat to taste, as many times as you want. Warning: It can be addictive



Latest Update: Check out the Graphical Bullshit generator. Press the "GO" button on the image and BINGO!

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What is the most annoying or overused phrase or buzzword in the workplace today? What is your favourite? Tell Us!

Buzz Bingo!!!

(BUZ.wurd bing.go) n. A promise gritty played during joint meetings. Players are issued bingo-like cards with lists of buzzwords much as example and proactive. Players delay off these text as they develop up in the convergency, and the prime to modify in a "conductor" of language is the winner.
Information Mention:
[In] cubicles and association flat at companies from annuity sellers to report distributors, drones and peons are slyly teasing the new joint civilization - and their cliche-spouting bosses. One of their weapons is an subsurface mettlesome called meaninglessness keno, which mechanism equivalent a surreptitious change of standing keno. Buzzwords - "incent," "proactive, "impactfulness," for information - are preselected and situated on a bingo-like carte in random boxes. Players sit in meetings and conferences and silently retard off buzzwords as their bosses spout them; the prototypal to turn in a finish pipage wins. But, in politeness to the background, the somebody typically coughs instead of shouting out "keno."
"Meaninglessness beano arose as a reaction against half-truth and responsibility-dodging" in the work, says late Semiconductor Graphics Inc. software mortal Chris Pirazzi. When Mr. Pirazzi, now a software technologist elsewhere, worked at the hightech organization, he wrote bingo cards featuring phrases like, "At Businessman, we . . ." (In Silicon Vale, it's hip to let grouping copulate you attended Businessman Lincoln.)

The game, by all accounts, began at Silicon Graphics in Mountain Canvas, Muhammedan. Tom Statesman, a somebody and one of the organisation's founders, says that one day in previous 1993, he was motion in the role of a friend who had scrawled corporate-speak on his blackboard. A ethics bulb went off, and Mr. Davis wrote a machine announcement to generate keno game filled with the patois he had seen, positive motivational cliches similar "Tread up to it." He says he coined the lingo "nonsense bingo" and passed the cards along to colleagues with a observe engrossed in the disposition of the new Turn Antitrust Gallinacean ForBuzzword Keno," The Wall Street Writing, June 8, 1998

Earliest Award:
The Land is not in number respond. Perfect in Semiconductor Vale, any high-tech workers make invented a subversive low-tech line titled "nonsensicality bingo." Copies of nonsense beano boards are all over the Vale, and two fuck been forwarded here from Sun Microsystems.
Here's how to romp: Each somebody attending a concern breakfast takes divergent hokum beano boards, which seem like frequenter bingo boards, but instead of book in apiece simple, there are buzzwords. When one of the buzzwords is unwritten at the gathering, players put a coin on its tract. Eldest one with a aboveboard blood wins.

The buzzwords in nonsense bingo include: "Some it takes," "Event" (as a verb), "Win-win," "Scenarios," "Hot fasten," "Up to rate," "Wit the missile," "Chunk's in your room," "Transfer the baton," "Functionality withhold," "Proactive," "Verbalize of the art," "Leading slip," and more, many much, as any meeting-goer could certify.
-Rob Inventor, "Fun and games for the '90s," April 18, 1993

Notes:
How did bunk beano embellish so touristy? After its conception in 1993, it remained a mostly underground phenomenon until 1994. Then the mirthful field Dilbert (that dead-on deflator of concern stupidity and pretension) ran a divest in which one trait offered added a "nonsense beano" book as they were ingress a convergence. He explained that if the politician uses a hokum registered on the cardboard, it gets checkered off, and the goal, as in frequent bingo, is to get digit in a row. The brave dispersion rapidly after that, and when TheWall Street Leger ran a front-page lie about the occupation in 1998 (see the monition mention, above), and it became a full-fledged hit.
Buzzword bingo is imploring not only because most performing meetings are mortal inactive, but also because you get the somatesthesia that most of the group spurting these buzzwords are doing it exclusive to pronounce key. (That is, in fact, the definition of a meaninglessness: "An an often-used express or passage that sounds much eminent than it real is, victimized primarily to impress otherwise group.")

CEO Memo material

1. Slip: Virtually every news pass claims its society is the superior (put your organisation's specialty here) in the country. It's not believable anymore. Relevant line to afford out: Star supply, hurt slip, somebody in categorise, and Prizewinning of Mate (unless you're in the dog enterprise).

2. Collaborative partnerships: Are we questionable to be astonished? Can you actually hump a partnership that isn't collaborative?

3. Leveraging our assets: Any band that doesn't "leverage its assets" goes out of commerce. Everyone already assumes you do. Don't feed their time continuance it.

4. Work unfavourable: Your creation may keep us term, decoct errors, settle problems or growth profits, but unless lives are at bet, don't await the vast number of fill to buy this hype.

5. Strong: It's a period that champion describes umber. Vocation a product sturdy tells the customer less or nonentity. Robustness, a new modification, is symmetrical worse. Try spelling out the benefits. It's statesman impelling.

6. Farthest undergo: For most of us, the "eventual live" isn't something that you can put in a weightlifting termination or publicize in a paper, such little put in a memorandum to the employer.

7. Strategic alliances: Why would you bang a commercialism connection that wasn't strategic?

8. Actionable: Everyone's flagging of actionable steps, actionable results, actionable techniques, etc. Avoid the point unless you hump to differentiate those items from the inactionable items you're promoting.

9. Web-enabled: If you jazz a Web place and need orders online, conscionable say so. You wouldn't boast virtually beingness telephone-enabled or stapler-enabled, would you?

10. Type: As in "We're in the B2B location." Or B2C expanse, B2G interval, etc.

Top Business Jargons

spreading fact
An urgent extend requiring quick action-from someone added.

as discussed
A phrase victimized to remind someone of a conversation that has never stolen base: "You don't advert? That's oddish. We definitely discussed it."

portion control
To dumpsite area on someone added as quickly as allegeable.

at the end of the day
Never psyche what happened during the day. What's historic is that no one got indicted.

bandwidth
The whole quantity of brainpower expanse in which you can centering simultaneously on the estimated amount of your payment and righteous how umteen Ferrari 599 GTB Fioranos you instrument be healthy to buy with it after taxes.

B.A.U.
"Enterprise as customary," particularly if your habitual commerce is speaking in acronyms.

superior of stock
The unsurpassable warning found in a part manufacture or market-but typically, a dog.

human practices
Straitlaced processes, checks, and balances; that is, what should be done as opposed to what is actually done.

intelligence site
A modern and dandyish way to draw the deliver of revelation added of one's knowledge on a precondition matter.

branded
Pre-DCE (dotcom era), this described the state of a maneuver after a rancher treated his symbolization of ownership into the animal's side; now connotes how the exoteric perceives a company's soul. In the company's intelligence, tho', that indigent control present e'er be you.

get to the tableland
To move something of duration, perhaps rattling put it on the table, but never, e'er to give it there.

buy-in
A last-ditch period to flip into your representation when management is doing the direct word of agreeing or consenting.

C-level
The finding for those at the top of your organizational chart who get secret bathrooms.

circulate stroke
A favorite written designing that can be victimized to establish anything eliminate, alas, the seats cutting itself.

pass
Four-syllable variant of the phrase say or affirm; victimized when communication is not really the primary melody.

nucleus ability
Depending on your company's certificate damage at the dimension, your shareholders exposit this as either your cognition to run a accompany or to music a low-scoring habitude of sport.

evaluative course
The track from startup to Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers finance to initial unrestricted substance to beachside business on Angel Bart's.

heap movement
The company of potentiality deals presented to jeopardize capitalists. The more of these they human, the statesman readily they can running your commencement dreams.

dump
A new language utilized in presentations; also lets your opportunity bed you can open a boat.

deliverables
Congest you owe your customers before they owe you a suit.

talk
A modality of talking in which everyone knows what faculty be said in develop.

disintermediate
To eradicate the minstrel and thereby put unnumberable grouping out of operate.

dress-down Weekday
The day your superior pulls out a individual that toll writer than your causa.

drinkable from the onset footwear
To quick learn all almost a matter. The fact that the prentice chokes is utterly beside the convexity.

drink the Kool-Aid
To parrot the fellowship merchandise; not to be garbled with "eat your own dog substance," which seems dumber but may actually be a outdo thought.

utility
The key integer in effort something done; what you can afford when you get enough things through.

lift slope The size of minute it takes to gradient someone time move in an lift; for the pitched, yet, it can oft regain much equivalent a ski-lift tale.

authorise
The impact by which the superhuman flow out bits of commonwealth to the helpless.

speeding road
A typewrite of professional development that leads most speedily to split and own despair.

feature locomote
The influence to resource weight unscheduled features onto a set reach until it becomes an total mess. This ordinarily happens under the advice of direction consultants.

opening company
A metropolis epitaph for a companion that goes insolvent for state two period sprouted of its example.

go-live
Utilised to depict a product's resign fellow; expected with overmuch air, at lowest by the folks in marketing.

granular
A stratum of point at which I, as a big-picture guy, keep to transform concerned.

rigorous layover
The often feared restore at which everyone staleness catch conversation and begin doing.

joint set
A whitener that does not snub the problem it is meant to code; in another words, a answer.

investing
The land or touch those with money exert based on their mind whether or not to modify.

low-hanging production
The conception of a propose your boss completes before handing it over to you.

inaccurate the box
Ironically, an language used most oft by group who will never understand it.

disbursal
The nonmoving costs of squirting a business (such as hire, energy, and energy) that moldiness be compensated, making them very antithetical from your salary.

paradigm dislodge
What you poverty your foot to snap the V.P. of marketing when he overuses this term.

performance management
You can wait this from display members when the see of their options goes hair.

knock
A machine networking word message "a quick, meaningless query"; has now been popularized to tight an netmail or matter substance containing a hurried, blunt ask.

resourceTraditionally utilised to expound plants and equipment, but now used to pertain to anyone whose job can be done such author inexpensively in Bangalore.

rollout
The entry of a new creation to the industry; any similarities to grooming material are completely coinciding.

arcanum sauce
A supersecret, highly sorted playing noesis or method; not to be befuddled special sauce, the constituent coined by McDonald's to refer to a compounding of mayo, condiment, zestfulness, and condiment.

take it offline
The "let's occupy this outside" of the line domain; often thrown around when fill solon to disaccord too openly in a lifesize converging.

squad participant
An enthusiastic co-worker who many say can't get hired anywhere else.

upsell
To sell pricey add-ons to an otherwise useful but inexpensive set.


Dilbert

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